The story so far...

Just stumbled onto this blog today and I realized so much has passed so quickly! I can so clearly remember being so stressed out in Mid march of 2007 and wondering where is life going to take me and Adi. Well, life had some pretty grand plans for us. We are both together now, happily and lovingly married to each other. And after all we have been through and more than two years of being blissfully married, I can say it out aloud, that Adi is one of the best thing that has happened to me. Btw, for those of you who do not know, here is another piece of news. We are now proud parents too. Were blessed with a lovely baby boy on March'03'2009. And Aryaman shares the trophy with his Dad for being the "best thing that has happened to me".

The last 9 month has been extremely busy because of the new addition, but it has been so inspiring too. I learn so much from my baby everyday....and I just love the way he loves me. I couldn't be more blessed, touch wood!

My baby loves me just the way that I am!

"Don't need no copy of Vogue magazine,
Don't need to dress like no beauty queen,
High heels or sneakers he don't give a damn,
My baby loves me just the way that I am,
He never tells me I'm not good enough,
Just give me unconditional love,
He loves me tender and he loves me mad,
He loves me silly and he loves me sad,
He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart,
He likes my nerve and he loves my heart,
He's always sayin' he's my biggest fan,
My baby loves me just the way that I am,
My baby loves me just the way that I am.

And when there's dark clouds in my eyes,
He just sits back and lets 'em roll on by,
I come in like a lion and go out like a lamb,
My baby loves me just the way that I am.
He thinks I'm pretty, he thinks I'm smart,
He likes my nerve and he loves my heart,
Don't see no reason to change my plan,
My baby loves me just the way that I am."

Ofcourse I didn't write that! Trust me,I have never met a man so wonderful that I could write a song like that for him. Though on hearing this song blaring on my radio this morning I did wonder how it would feel if I were with a man like that. My best guess is that I definitely would not be in love with him ! You see,a relationship without friction is like living in a perfect world....and I am amongst those insane few who totally romanticise the imperfections in life. So much so that I have decided to not work on mine at all. Anyways getting back to Mr. Right here, I seriously wonder how many women would want to be standing on a pedestal and be worshipped by their men like that? The mentioning of "pedestal" reminds of this little insightful conversation between Cameron Diaz and Julia Roberts in "My best friends wedding"; where Diaz tells Roberts; "He has you on a pedestal and me in his arms". So Ms. Roberts and Co. wanna switch places??

And for the entertainment of the male readers, here is a parody of the song above composed by some wise lady:

Don't need no bottle of imported cheer,
Don't need to drink no expensive beer,
Raining or windy, he don't give a damn,
My baby loves to drink Beast Light in a can,
He never tells me it's not good enough,
Just wants a beer that's ready to chug,
Chugs at the tailgate, he chugs in the shed,
Chugs in the shower, and chugs before bed.
He thinks it's gritty and sometimes tart,
At 8am, it warms his heart,
He doesn't know but I'm his biggest fan,
My baby loves to drink Beast Light in a can,
My baby loves to drink Beast Light in a can,

When he finds his team's bowl bound,
He tilts his head and lets it roll on down,
Pour out at an angle, and squeeze with his hands,
My baby loves to drink Beast Light in a can,
My baby loves to drink Beast Light in a can,
He thinks it's gritty and sometimes tart,
At 8am, it warms his heart,
He doesn't know but I'm his biggest fan,
He thinks it's gritty and sometimes tart,
At 8am, it warms his heart,
When he goes drinking, he's got a plan,
My baby loves to drink Beast Light in a can,
My baby loves to drink Beast Light in a can.

Three cheers to the woman who could understand her man like that!

"Outwitted" by Edwin Markham

Here is an epigram "Outwitted" by the poet Edwin Markham. I read these lines almost a year back but only over a period of time did I learn to appreciate its beauty. I hope you all enjoy reading this just as much.

He drew a circle that shut me out--
Heretic, a rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!

Facts or Mindset: Your Pick?

Many of you were amazed to see a different side of me (I mean the ones who know me) and to be honest I was just as surprised. Funnily, life has been like a pendulum the last few weeks, taking me from one extremity to other and while I was enjoying that crazy, nerve-wrecking ride I penned my thoughts for the records. In all this mayhem the most interesting thing was the approach I took to deal with so many things which were happening too soon and were just as important. Everything around me was so overwhelming, that I decided to draw away from it and decided to be a spectator of my own life! Being an outsider to my own life did wonders to me. It gave me amazing insight to the person I have been living with all my life. It amused me, bewildered me, and upset me all in the same breath. Amused because of the foolish notions we carry about our own selves. Bewildered because I realized how clueless I was about my own self, and upset because I wasted so many precious years working on the wrong person! And then I thought that if this could happen to me it sure could happen to so many others too. Maybe many of us are living in a make belief world, a safe cocoon created by our mind which believes in what it wants to believe regardless of whether it is true or not! In my efforts to try to be a better person I realized that I ended up being the same person but with a different notion about myself. Scary, ain't it?

Let me tell you where and how it all started: Many years back I was doing a self assessment in preparation for an important interview. In the process I jotted down my strengths and weakness on a piece of paper. On figuring out what I constructed as my weakness then, I started working on it. And yea, though I didn't clear that interview but I did get an insight into my self: my strengths and weakness. Many many years later they were put on a real life test. Outcome: I found that I was still the same person I was with just a few changes here and there. I could change some of my habits but I could not change the person I really am! So, if I was ruthless I would be ruthless or if I have always been an emotional fool I would continue to be so. What I did change was the magnitude or the frequency! I could tone it down but I couldn't wipe it off. Also what I perceived as a change in so many situations was a temporary situation in a safer world where nothing really goes wrong! It was like a child learning a poem, being able to recite it to his parents but when its time to get on the stage and recite it in front of a hall full of audience he forgets the words!

But like on everything else in this case too not everyone is alike. Some of us can actually remember what to say when it needs to be said. And then there are some like me who would just mumble! Anyways getting back to the topic: Some of us can change everything and some of us change only our mindsets. I realized that I belong to the later. Often changing mind set is the first step to changing things around and within you. But then there are times when all you end up with is a changed mind set and not the person you wanted to be. This often leads to a terrible misalignment of the fact with the perception!And then, when you are faced with an untowardly situations in life and you look within you to draw from your strengths to face the challenges, you realize that nothing has changed! You still are the same person. All the resolution and defense mechanism that you built was for the person you so wanted to be but unfortunately are not! And hence those mechanisms are of no use. To make matters worse, in the eagerness to disown your weakness you realize that you have forgotten how to deal with them! So what should we do? Live with our weakness for the rest of our lives or find mechanisms that are tailored for our intrinsic nature?

I was in such a spot very recently and though I don't have the "right" answer for it, here is my two cents on it: Accept your weakness and know that they are a part of you. Realize that some things can be changed and some things can't. Also realize that though there are morale boosters like "nothing is impossible or where there is a will there is a way..etc." not every one can work hard enough, or keep enough perseverance, or fight hard enough to make things work for him. We are limited by our potentials. There is a cap on our limitations. But thats not the sad news. The sad news is that we under live those potentials and achieve way lesser than what we can! You and me despite our limited talents can achieve a lot more than what we have. But before any of that happens it is important to accept yourself the way you are and appreciate what you see. To be a perfectionist, strong, courageous or hardworking person is a desirable thing, but to acknowledge whether you would be happy being them is more important. More importantly WHY you want to be that and IF you want to be that at all. More important that changing your weakness is acknowledging them and learning to live with them. And who knows what you consider as a weakness might not even be one or with due strategies can be changed into your advantage. How you want to play the game is your choice, but before you play it know the player and know the rules! Accept the person you are and then try to be what you want to be.

I am sure many of you would differ on what I say or some may concur. I would love to hear your view points and thats precisely the reason why I am getting my thoughts on a public platform. So go ahead and jot down what ever you deem right.

Our strongest Instinct: Survival.

I was told of an interesting story today so I thought I will contemplate on this with all of you:

Japan which has one of the world's richest fishery resources was looking for ways to keep their fishes fresh and alive after they were caught. Ships and boats which went shipping deep and far into the sea would catch fishes and put them in water tanks hoping they would make it to the shore fresh and alive. Unfortuantely the farther these boats went the smaller the chances of survival of the fishes became, causing them to die before they reached the shore. Storing fishes in the freezer was thought of as an alternative solution, but japaneese were not very welcoming to the taste of frozen fishes in comparison to the fresh water fish they were so used to. Other solutions were being looked for constantly but nothing really worked. Finally someone came up with a solution which used the most basic instinct of any living organism: It was suggested that a small shark be put in every tank that had fishes. The shark would eat up a few fishes, but the rest of the fishes in there would fight to survive and would make it to the coast...ALIVE! Indeed the solution worked. More fishes made it to the coast because of their survival instinct!

My morale of the story: We fight our best when we face the toughest situation. We give up too early when the challenges aren't challenging enough! So if you really want to exploit your potential have a predator on your head all the time...

Fly into the unknown.

Living life at the speed of thoughts, isn't that exciting? Being the person you want to be for every single moment of your life. Keeping the courage to give up everything that people consider sane, and embracing the impossibilities and the insanity with faith. To see what others haven't even thought about and to desire creating what everyone subconsiously desires. How insane is that? Or rationale? How much is it worth? Or worthless? Time, my friend is an answer to most of the fears, concerns and doubts in our life.

Sometimes giving up a safe spot and keeping the courage to jump into shark infested waters is more liberating than life smoothly rocking in a dingy boat in a placid lake. And why this feeling of liberation, why this exhilaration, why this sudden abandonment of fear? Maybe because the chains that binds your minds, and your courage is broken. And even though it is scary to be standing on the edge of your safety zone, all ready to fly and break into the sky filled with the unknown, yet the thought that you have nothing to fall back upon gives you that extra strength to fly higher. Unless you let go of the crutches of your mind, you would not know what it is to stand, walk, run and come alive. And unless you defy what others believe in, you would not what it is to fly. And what's life without a pair of wings!

My Happiness: its not someone else's perception!

I was taking a walk down the memory lane and was thinking of the so many happy moments and the not so happy ones too, to find a key to what happiness means to me. To know what I am looking for, to know who I am and what is the big deal with my so many expectations and such little ways to fulfill them.

I thought maybe all of us need to do that soul searching once in a while to get in touch with our true selves and not the person we project to be. Surprisingly, for a person who wants so much from life, I realized how little do I need to make me happy. I guess, everything else is to "show" that I am a happy being. All this walk into my past was to know why am I still so uncontent with the way things are, when the truth is that when I was 16 all I ever wanted to be is what I am today! And maybe that is because somewhere I don't even know what makes me happy. I live by the notion of happiness, believing my moments of happiness are what the rest of the world perceives. But their perception doesn't help me, rather it makes me miserable. I realize what I want is maybe way lesser than what I go for. Here are a couple of recollection of my happy moments in the recent past:

The other day I went to a park and my attention was caught by a white fluffy dog playing with a dog much bigger than it. There was something very endearing about the white fluffy dog, and somehow its moment of joy made me happy. A little while later the white fluffy dog went around to play with a much smaller dog and that too was a joyful sight. I stood there watching the dogs play and realised that I have not been so elated, content and happy in a long time. And it wasn't just me grinning away to glory, I saw lots of us doing the same. Total captured by the moment created by two playful dogs. To see simple living creatures deriving their pleasures out of the mundane things made me so envious. For once, I hated the fact that we weren't still hanging from the trees!

One of the other days, when I wasn't feeling too great I went out for a dinner with my room mate. Later we decided to go back to school and work for a few hours. All pepped up about working late night, I ended up in her department, and spent the rest of the night talking about so many things. Despite being in the same house, we did loose touch with each other's lives because there was so much going on with us. It came as an extremely happy surprise to know that we could pick up our threads from where we left, have a conversation, share our pieces of mind and bask in the warmth of our friendship. That was a real joy to me. A harmless conversation which went way beyond our intentions of working hard made me happy! Ofcourse, the next day we were both slogging ourselves to meet the deadline, yet the conversation was worth the pain and much more.

Let me add this third one: One of my most memorable and peaceful moment was that one starry night in one of the beaches when I looked up and realised that I hadn't seen so many stars in such a long time! And as if to make me feel like the angels were smiling down on me, I saw a star falling. There was something about that one moment, the tranquility, the peace, the hushing of the waves or the soothing breeze which just planted that moment in my mind. And as I type this, I just noticed I am smiling!

So, as you wind up reading this long blog: "Close your eyes, think of the moment which made you the happiest, and smile..."

I would love to know what happy memories this blog reminded you of, if only you are willing to share....